Rex Robot enters. He encounters the three girls, who sit-as always- on the stoop.

Rex: "Excuse me, ladies. Which way to Thirteen-thirteen Skid Row?"

Crystal: "That information will cost you a dollar."

Rex: "No problem, here you go."

Chiffon: "It's right over there. But if you're like the thousands of others hoping to look at Blue Monster, you better come back tomorrow. Shop's closed today."

Rex: "Oh, I'm not here to buy parrots, girls. I'm here to pick up my date."

Chiffon: "You ain't by any chance talking about the Hispanic girl with pink hair?"

Crystal: "And several other medical problems."

Rex: "As a matter of fact..."

The girls descend upon him full force, shouting and almost knocking him down.

Girls: "That's him! That's the one! Who do you think you are treating her that way? Get outta here and don't come back! Beat it! Get lost!"

Ronnette: "Yo!"

Rex (eating a chocolate banana and laughs evilly): "Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! I'm friendly! Truce! You want some chocolate bananas?"

Crystal: "Why don't you get lost, chocolate robot boy? Last thin Molly needs is more of your kind."

Rex: "My kind is a very nice kind, ladies. I'm no monster."

Ronnette: "What would you you call it?"

Rex: "I would call it..." (eats another chocolate banana) "...I would call it an occupational hazard."

Chiffon: "Say what?"

Rex: "You see girls, my line of work requires a certain fascination with pain and suffering." (eats another) "This stuff is great. Allow me to explain."

(Song: Dentist)

  • Rex: "When I was younger, just bad little kid

My mama noticed funny things I did

Like shooting puppies with a BB gun

I'd poison guppie and when I was done

I'd find a pussycat and bashed its head

That's when my mama said..."


  • Girls (spoken): "What did she say?"
  • Rex: "She said, my boy, I think someday

You'll find a way

To make natural tendencies pay

You'll be a dentist

You have a talent for causing things pain

Son, be a dentist

People with pay you to be inhumane

Your temperament's wrong

For the priesthood

And teaching would suit you still less

Son, be a dentist

You'll be a success."

  • Ronnette (spoken): "Here he is, folks.

The leader of the plaque."

  • Chiffon (spoken): "Watch him eat up that fruit!

Oh my gosh!" (Rex laughs out loud)

  • Crystal (spoken): "He's a dentist and he'll

Never ever be any good."

  • Girls (spoken): "Who wants their teeth

Done by the boy by the name of Rex Robot?"

  • Patient (spoken): "Oh, that hurts! Wait, I'm not numb."
  • Rex (spoken): "Ah, be quiet. Open wide, here I come!" (sing)

"I am you dentist

And I enjoy the career that I picked

I am your dentist

And I get off on the pain I inflict

When I start extracting your molars

You girls will be screaming like holy rollers

And thought it may cause

My patients distress

Somewhere, in heaven above me

I know that my mama's proud of me!"

(speaks in a low, humerous voice) "Oh, Mama!"

(sing) "Cause I'm a dentist!

And a success."

(spoken) "Say aaah!"

  • Patient: "Aaah..."
  • Rex: "Say aaah!"
  • Patient: "Aaah!"
  • Rex: "Say AAAH!!!"
  • Patient: "AAAH!!!"
  • Rex: "Now SPIT!!!"

Rex arrives at the shop and is greeted by Gil.

Gil: "Excuse me, sir, you can't go in there right now."

Rex: "Relax. You want some chocolate bananas?" (Gil motions disgust) "Suit yourself."

Gil: "We're closed."

Molly: "It's all right, Gil. This is my date, my boyfriend. Gil, Rex Robot."

Rex gives her a look and motions for a back hand.

Rex: "I know you. I saw you on the news. I even know your name. Let's see. It's...Cecil. No, no. It's...Cedric. No." (frown from Gil) "Give me a chance. It's...Geo?"

Molly: "Gil!"

Rex: "Somebody talking to you?"

Molly: "No. Excuse me."

Rex: "Excuse me, what?"

Molly: "Excuse me...robot?"

Rex: "That's better. I know! You're the animal guy, right? That means it must be in there. That is incredible! What do you call that thing?"

Gil: "Blue Monster."

Rex: "Sweet name. It's catchy. Nice pet. Big."

Molly: "Shouldn't we be leaving now?"

Rex: "You're quite the chatterbox, aren't you?"

Molly: "Sorry."

Rex: "Sorry, what?"

Molly: "Sorry, robot. Robot. Sorry, robot."

Rex: "You're got to train them, stud. Here's my card. You need a root canal or anything like that, give me a buzz. It's on the house. You got the handcuffs?"

Molly: "They're right in my bag."

The two exit, while GIl goes into the shop, and goes to the sleeping monster, who lays on its back.

Gil: "You ought to see the way he treats her, Blue. She deserves a prince, not a sadistic creep like him. The boy's a total disgrace to the dental profession. I don't know what's going on, sometimes. Seems like the whole world's going crazy. At least we got each other, right? I'm gonna turn in, Blue Monster. I'll see you in the morning."

The monster moves its stubby arms.

Gil: "Oh boy. Here we go again. Come on, I haven't got much left. Give me a few days to get more. We'll start again with ones you've like and try something new--"

The monster opens his mouth and Gil stunned.

Blue Monster (hoarsely): "Feed me."

Gil: "I beg your pardon?"

Blue Monster: "Feed me!"

Gil: "Blue, you talked! You opened your huge mouth and you said--"

Blue Monster: "Feed me, blue head! Feed me now!"

Gil: "I can't!"

Blue Monster: "I'm starving!"

Gil: "Maybe I can give you a little more of this." (dumps a bunch of lolipops in Blue's mouth)

Blue Monster: "More! More! More!"

Gil: "There isn't anymore!" (pushes the monster away) "What do you want me to do, bake you a cake?"

Blue Monster: "Haaaa..."

Gil: "Oh, man! Look, I've got an idea. I'll go buy you some nice jumbo-sized chocolate bars."

Blue Monster: "Must be sugar."

Gil: "Too much sugar isn't good for you, Blue."

Blue Monster: "Must be fresh."

Gil (covering his ears): "I don't want to hear this."

Blue Monster: "Feed me."

Gil: "Does it have to be gumdrops?"

Blue Monster: "Feed me!"

Gil: "Does it have to be mine?"

Blue Monster: "Feed me!"

Gil: "Where am I supposed to get it?"

(Song: Feed Me)

  • Blue Monster: "Feed me, Gil boy

Feed me all night long

Ha! That's right, boy

You can do it

Feed me, Gil boy

Feed me all night long!" (laughs)

"Cause if you feed me, Gil boy

I can grow up big and strong!" (laughs)

Gil (spoken): "You eat candy and sweets, Blue Monster. Let's face it. How am I supposed to keep on feeding you? Constantly buy you more sweets?"

Blue Monster (spoken): "I'll make it worth you while."

Gil (spoken): "Huh?"

Blue Monster (spoken): "You think this is all a coincidence, little man? The sudden succes around here? The press coverage?"

Gil (spoken): "Look, you're a monster. The one whom I thought should be caring and friendly--" (Blue pulls him over)

Blue Monster (spoken): "Do I even look friendly and caring to you, punk?! If I can talk and I can move, who's to say I can't do anything I want?"

Gil (spoken): "Like what?"

  • Blue Monster (spoken): "Like deliver, pal, aah! Like see you get everything you sacred greasy heart desires." (Sing)

"Would you like a Cadillac car?

Or a guest shot on Jack Paar?

How about a date with Hedy Lamarr?

You're gonna get it, if you want it, boy." (chuckle)

How'd you like to be a big wheel?

Dining out for every meal?

I'm the dude that can make it all real

You're gonna get it!

Hey, I'm your genie, I'm your friend

I'm your willing slave

Take a chance just feed me and

You know the kind of eats, the kinda goody-good treats

The kind of sticky licky sweets I crave!

Owwwww! Come on, Gil boy, don't be a putz

Trust me, and your like will surely rival King Tuts

Show a little nitiative, work up some guts

And you'll get it!"

  • Gil: "I don't know!"
  • Blue Monster: "Come on, boy!"
  • Gil: "I don't know!"
  • Blue Monster: "Lighten up!"
  • Gil: "I have so,

So many stong


Should I go

And perform


  • Blue Monster: "Eeeha ha ha ha ha ha! Beheeheeheehee!" (talk) "You didn't have nothing til you met me. Come on, kid. What will be? Money? Girls? One particular girl? How about that Molly? Think it over. There must be someone you could real quiet like and hypnotize!" (sing)

Think about a room at the Ritz

Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz

A little nookie gonna clean up those zits, and you'll get it."

  • Gil: "Gee, I'd like a Harley machine

Tooling around like I was James Dean

Making all the guys on the corner turn green."

  • Blue Monster: "If you want to be profound

If you really got to justify

Take a breath and look around!" (spoken)

"A lot of folks deserve to be possessed evil!"

Gil: "Wait a minute! That's not a very nice thing to say!"

Blue Monster: "But it's true, isn't it?"

Gil: "I don't know anyone who deserves to get hypnotized by en evil monster!"

Blue Monster: "Sure you do."

They looked out the window to see a frightened Molly backing away from an angry Rex Robot.

Rex: "Stupid girl! What a scatterbrain you are!"

Molly: "I'm sorry, robot! I'm sorry, robot!"

Rex: "Falls off the motorcycle!"

Molly: "I'm clumsy, Rex!"

Rex: "Messes my hair! Get the door open right now!"

Molly: "I'm trying, Rex! I'm trying!"

Rex: "Get the Vitalis. Quick, get them now!"

Molly: "I'm out of it, goodness!!"

Rex grabs her and slaps her. Gil and Blue Monster exchange a long look of understanding.

  • Gil & Blue Monster: "If you want a rationale

It isn't very hard to see

Stop and think it over, pal

The guy sure look like the victim to me!   x3

  • Gil: "He's so nasty treating her rough!"
  • Blue Monster: "Smacking her around and always talking so tough!"
  • Gil: "You need him and he's got more than enough!"
  • Blue Monster: "I need him and he's got more than enough!"
  • Both: "You/I need him and he's got more than enough!"

Blue Monster: "So go get him!"

Crazy: "Are they finished? My turn?"

Nurse: "Sit!"

Crazy: "What did he do? Tell me everything! They have to do that to remove the jaw. Consider yourself very, very lucky." (to little girl who is screaming in pain)

Rex: "Next!"

Crazy: "It's me, Crazy the lobster! I'm next!"

Rex: "Nurse! Does that have an appointment?"

Nurse: "Ask it. I'm off duty."

Crazy: "I've been saving all month for this. I think I need a root canal. I'm sure I need a long, slow root canal."

Rex: "Let's go."

Crazy: "I have a history of dental problems."

Rex: "Shut up!"

Crazy: "Yes doctor. I went to a terrible dentist Wednesday, who was recommended to somebody I saw Monday...who's the brother of a man I usually see Sundays. Their mother taught them everything they know. She's gifted, but elderly. People think she shouldn't be working. I go to her because I'm just incredibly devoted to her strength. She can't really see who you are, but she knows the sound of your vice. If you tell her where it is, the problem, she eventually finds it and she does it. I wish I had that stamina. I can only go so long. That's how I want to be. I don't ever want to have to be just---"

Rex: "Comfy?"

Crazy: "Yes, doc. I remember the first time I went to a dentist. I thought, "What a neat job! If only I were a dentist.". The dentist I went to had the greatest car. He had a Corvette. Everybody calls him "Doctor" and he's not really a doctor."

(Rex gets out many strange looking intruments.)

Crazy: "Holy cow! I got out of there okay, but after it was all finished...they gave me a candy bar. I thought, "I get a candy bar?". You got through that and get chocolate. You work with incredible professionals, using icredibly wonder full equipment..."

Rex: "Let's look at that mouth. Say, "aaah". Yeah, great!"

Crazy: "You are something special. You are something special."

(Rex attacks Crazy's mouth, as Crazy screams with pleasure.)

Crazy: "Thank you! It's your professionalism that I respect. Don't stop. Doc! Don't stop!"

(Rex gets the next instrument out to get Crazy's tongue. He plays with Rex. Rex gets more annoyed and more upset.

Crazy: "What do you want? Say "Please!". Yeah!" (wiggling tongue around) "I'm going to get a candy bar!"

Rex: "Get out!"

Crazy: "What's wrong?"

Rex: "Get out of here!"

Crazy: "What's the matter?"

Rex: "Go on! Get out of here! This way."

Crazy: "I'm gonna tell each and every one of my friends about you---"

Rex: "What's this?" (he finds one of the instruments in the patient's pocket) "Dag nab, you sicko!"

Crazy leaves.

Rex (to Gil): "Let me ask you something. Does this scare you?"

Gil: "Yes."

Rex: "Would you like if I took this and made straight for your stupid incisors? It'd hurt, right? You'd scream! Get your butt in there! Don't I know you?"

Gil: "Gil Gordon. We met yesterday."

Rex: "Your mouth's a mes, boy. That wisdom tooth. We'll rip that bugger right out of there. What do you say? There's always time for dental hygiene."

Gil: "What's that?"

Rex: "The drill."

Gil: "It's rusty!"

Rex: "It's an antique. They don't make them like this anymore. Sturdy...heavy...dull. I'm going to want some chocolate for this."

Gil: "Thank god. I thought you wouldn't use any."

Rex: "The banana isn't for you, GIl. It's for me. You see, I want to really enjoy this. In fact, I'm going to use my special banana sprinkler! I find a little chocolatey taste before I begin increases my pleasure enormously. Here we go!" (eats an ice cream banana) "Oh, Gil, I'm flying! The things I'm going to do to that mouth! What the heck is that? A sword? The kid's got a freakin' revolver! I'm in trouble now, huh? Wait til I turn this sprinkler off. Give me a hand, would you? No, I guess you wouldn't, would you? I could---" (falls down) "What'd I ever do to you?"

Gil: "Nothing. It's what you did to her."

Rex: "Her who? Oh, her."

(Rex's eyes dimmed. Gil begins to drag him out. He takes it to the monster. As a stopwatch swings back and forth in a slow pace pattern in Rex's face, Mr Grouper watches and swims away.

Police are seen talking to Molly and she is very upset. Gil watches from the backround and swims up to her when they are gone.

Gil: "Molly, what'd they say to you?"

Molly: "Who?"

Gil: "The police."

Molly: "Oh, nothing."

Gil: "Talk to me. Tell me what they say."

Molly: "It's Rex. They say he's disappeared!"

Gil: "The police told you that?"

Molly: "They suspect foul play."

Gil: "They do?"

Molly: "His receptionist, this morning, found the place a shambles. Chocolate bananas everywhere. Things all over the floor. They think..." (sniffling) "I can't even think what they think." (crys)

Gil: "Don't cry, Molly. Would it be so terrible if something had happened to him?"

Molly: "Gil, what a thing to say!"

Gil: "Well, would it?"

Molly: "It's wouldn't be terrible at all. It'd be a miracle. Not to mention all the money I'd save on Epsom salts and ace bandages."

Gil: "You see?"

Molly: "But I'd still feel guilty. If he met with foul play or some terrible accident of some'd be partly my fault just because...secretly I wished it."

Gil: "Don't you waste another minute thinking about that creep! There's a lot of guys that'd give anything to go out with you. Nice guys."

Molly: "I don't deserve a nice guy, Gil."

Gil: "That's not true."

Molly: "You don't know the half of it! I've led a terrible life. I deserved a creep like Rex Robot. You know where I met him? In the Gutter."

Gil: "The Gutter?"

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