11 year old Oona Shaskan is obsessed with death. Her mother is dead, and her father runs a funeral parlor. She is also in love with her English teacher, and joins a poetry class over the summer just to impress him. Nonny Pirruccello, her best friend, is "allergic to everything", and sticks with Oona despite her hangups. When Oona's father hires Ms. Jenny, a makeup expert, in his funeral parlor, and begins to fall in love with her, Oona is outraged and does everything in her power to split them up.
Cast (Characters from the real movie)Edit
- Oona as (Vada Sultenfuss)
- Nonny as (Thomas James Sennett)
- Mr. Shaskan as (Harry Sultenfuss)
- Miss. Jenny as (Shelly DeVoto)
- Oona's grandma as (Gramoo)
- Mr. Grouper as (Mr. Bixler)
- Mr. Shapero as Phil Sultenfuss
- Molly as Judy
- Deema as Girl #1
- Olivia as Girl #2
- Tobias as Boy #1
- Gil as Boy #2
- Goby as Boy #3
- Mr. Pirruccello as Mr. Sennett
- Mrs. Pirruccello as Mrs. Sennett
- Mr. Grumpfish as Danny DeVoto
- The Big Bad Wolf as (Ralph)
- Dr. Clark as (Dr. Welty)
- Nurseas (Nurse Randall)
- Archaeologist as (Policeman)
- Crabs , Lobsters , Snails as (Other characters)
- Genres: Drama, Family, Romance
- Rating: PG for little romance, little violence, some cursing, a bit of drugs, and many sad/scary scenes.
- Type of film: Coming-of-age.
- Love Couples: Oona x Nonny, Oona x Mr. Grouper, Harry x Miss. Jenny.
- This is based on the 1991 movie "My Girl." You can read about on Wikipedia or IMDb
- There are regular and fanon characters in this story.
Start of Part 1
Setting: Bubbletucky, Texas 1972
Oona (to audience): I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And i've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years, so I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction.
Oona (to Mr. Shaskan): Dad, I don't wanna upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing. Cancer. I'm dying.
Mr. Shaskan (ignoring Vada and making a sandwich): O.K. Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge.
(Vada just stares at Mr. Shaskan. Mr. Shaskan stares back at her.)
(Scene: Front of Shaskan's house)
(Oona goes outside and closes the front door and goes down the steps to Gil, Goby, Tobias, and Nonny.)
Oona: All right, who's in raise your hand.
(Everyone expect Nonny raises their hands.)
Tobias: Are you coming or not Nonny?
Nonny: I don't think so.
Oona: I knew he wouldn't come.
Nonny: I can't, I have to go home.
Gil: Yeah, to play with his dolls.
Oona: Leave him alone! Come on, let's go.
(Oona and the boys go inside while Nonny walks home. Oona watches him before going inside.)
(Oona stops Gil in the foyer.)
Oona (to Gil): Hey, you didn't pay me!
Gil: How do I know you were gonna show us one?
Oona: You're such a baby.
Gil: All right.
(Gil gets money out of his pocket and gives it to Oona.)
Oona: All right, follow me and don't say a word.
(They walk over to 2 big doors and stop.)
Oona: You ready?
(Oona opens the doors to the coffin room. They walk over to a coffin in the middle of the room.)
Oona: You sure you wanna see it, or is someone gonna go yellow belly?
Goby: I'm not chicken!
Okay. Lean forward.
(The boys lean forward and Oona opens the coffin to reveal nothing. The boys are startled at first but, when they see the empty coffin, they get mad.)
Goby: It's empty!
Gil: You're so weird!
Tobias: I want my money back!
(Oona walks out of the coffin room towards the living room with the boys following.)
Oona: I was afraid of this.
Gil: Of what?
Oona: Well, sometimes when we get 'em, they're not completely dead, you know, like when they cut a chicken's head off and it still runs around crazy.
Gil: You're full of shit!
Oona: I bet she's roaming around this house somewhere.
(Oona opens the door to the living where her grandma is in the rocking chair.)
Oona: There she is, in the rocking chair.
(Oona and the boys stare at Oona's grandma. Oona's grandma rocks in the rocking chair. The boys gasp and run out of the house. Oona watches them run out and smiles. She goes over to her grandma and sits on her lap.)
Oona: Hi Grandma.
Mr. Shaskan (calling to Oona): Oona, would you bring down my cigarettes?
(Oona gets up.)
Oona (to Grandma): Seeya later.
(Oona kisses her grandma's forehead and leaves.)
(Mr. Shaskan and Marty Snail are working on Mr. Layton.)
Mr. Shaskan: Did I tell you, he was my woodshop teacher?
Marty: You took workshop?
Mr. Shaskan: Yeah, I made a tie rack.
Marty: I made a tie rack.
(Oona comes downstairs and stands at the corner where she can see Mr. Layton.)
Mr. Shaskan: Oona, just put 'em on the stool.
(Oona puts the pack on the stool.)
Oona: Daddy, guess what? I beat Nonny in Monopoly yesterday!
Mr. Shaskan (ignoring Oona): Ya, that rack holds six ties.
Arthur: I still have mine.
(Oona remembers Marty's voice.)
Oona: I beat Nonny in Monopoly yesterday!
Marty: Good for you baby.
Oona: Once you put the hotels on board walk and park place he puts a shoe in your way.
Marty: I like to buy off all the railroads.
(Mr. Shaskan gets a little annoyed at Oona for distracting Marty.)
Mr. Shaskan: Oona, we're trying to work here.
(A white camper with a red stripe around the middle of it pulls up at the house.)
Oona: Cruella Deville stole all the puppies, she was gonna make a fur out of 'em!
Marty (to Mr. Shaskan): Hand me the canula.
(Oona sings "Do Wah Diddy Do" and Marty joins in the singing.)
(They are interrupted by an annoyed Mr. Shaskan.)
Mr. Shaskan: Oona!
Mr. Shaskan: I'm embalming my high school teacher, don't sing.
(Oona starts to climb the stairs.)
Mr. Shaskan (to Mr. Layton): One nice model C-501 bronze stainless eternal journey, yeah, you look like a champion.
(Oona stops to read the patient note. The note says Mr. Layton died from prostate cancer. Vada continues up the stairs.)
(The door of the camper opens and a woman walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. Oona runs to the door and answers.)
Woman: Is Mr. Harry Shaskan in?
Oona: Sure, come on in.
(The woman goes in and Oona leads her to a seat. The woman sits down.)
Oona: So, have you had the unfortunate experience of recently losing a loved one?
(The woman is puzzled.)
Woman: Could I see your dad, just for a second?
(Oona runs to the basement door.)
Oona: Dad, somebody's here!
(Oona runs back to the woman.)
Oona: He's downstairs working on Mr. Layton. Prostate Cancer. Once it hits your prostate, you're a goner.
(Harry walks into room.)
Harry: How may I... help you?
Woman: I'm Miss. Jenny.
(She shakes his hand.)
We spoke, the other day regarding the make up artist job.
Harry: Oh yes.
Miss. Jenny: It's still available I hope?
Harry: I think it's still available.
Miss. Jenny: I'm a licensed cosmetologist, I worked for two years, at my salon, all my customers cried when I told them I was leaving.
Harry: Uhh, Miss. Jenny...?
Miss. Jenny: I have a wonderful disposition, I put people right at ease.
Harry: Uhh, Miss. Jenny, these people are already at ease. This is not a beauty parlor, it's a funeral parlor.
Miss. Jenny: They're dead?
Harry: Yes they are.
Miss. Jenny: Stiffs?
Miss. Jenny: The ad just said "Makeup Artist."
(The doorbell rings.)
Harry: Ahh, excuse me a second will you?
(Harry answers the door.)
Harry: Hi George, this is a twelve-fifty-eight, I didn't want the burnished handles.
(Harry closes the door.)
(Oona looks out the window at Miss. Jenny's camper.)
Oona: Is that your camper?
Miss. Jenny: Yes it is.
Oona: That's really cool.
(Oona's grandma walks in with a fixed look on her face.)
Miss. Jenny (to Oona' grandma):
(Oona's grandma walks away as if she didn't hear anything.)
Oona: She's shy.
Miss. Jenny: Oh.
(Meanwhile, Harry is by the door telling the crabs what to do with the coffin.)
Harry: Just put it back in the display room fellers.
Crabs: Okay Harry.
(The crabs go to the display room. Oona walks over to her dad.)
Oona: Daddy, how come that coffin's so small?
Harry: They come in all sizes honey, just like shoes.
Oona: is it for a child?
(Harry pauses for a moment.)
Harry: Of course not.
Oona: Then who's it for?
(Harry pauses again while he thinks of an answer.)
Harry: Short people, very short people.
(Miss. Jenny walks to Harry.)
Miss. Jenny: Excuse me, what about the job?
Miss. Jenny: I need the job.
Harry: Oh, You still want it? Even though uhh...
Miss. Jenny: Ohh, oh sure it's no big deal, you see all my former clients will eventually die, and all your clients used to be alive, so they have something in common.
Harry: You'd be doing hair and makeup and answering the phone.
Miss. Jenny: Okay Mr. Shaskan, you got a deal.
Harry: Great, you can start right away. Call me Harry. Now, umm, is this what you'd normally wear for work? Don't get me wrong, I like it, very much, but the....
Miss. Jenny: I promise i'll take good care of these people, they deserve it, they're dead, all they've got left is their looks.
(Harry and Oona give each other weird looks.)
(Scene: Shopping mall area)
(Oona and Nonny are riding bikes in the malls of Bubbletucky. Nonny takes his feet off the petals.)
Nonny: Hey look at this, no feet!
Oona (sarcastically): Oh wow, a real evil canieval.
(Oona and Nonny ride up a garage where bikes aren't allowed. A grouchy crab comes out.)
Grouchy Crab: What the hell are you doing in my garage? Get out of here!
(Oona and Nonny arrive at the doctor's office. Oona goes inside while Nonny waits outside.)
(Scene: Doctor's waiting room)
(Oona walks up the desk.)
Loster Nurse: Hi Oona, what's wrong today?
Oona: I'm very sick.
Loster Nurse: Okay, take a seat, I'll check if the doctor can see you.
(Oona takes a seat and read a magazine while the nurse calls the doctor.)
Lobster Nurse (whispering almost inaudible on phone): Oona's here. She says she's sick. She looks all right.
(The nurse hangs up.)
Loster Nurse: Okay, he'll see you, why don't you go in?
(Oona puts down the magazine, takes off her hat, and walks into the office.)
(Scene: Doctor's office)
(The doctor is checking Oona's ear.)
Oona: Well, what is it? I can handle it.
Dr. Clark: You are perfectly healthy.
Oona: That can't be, I have all the classic symptoms.
Dr. Clark: Sweetheart, did they bring Mr. Layton to your house today?
Dr. Clark: Oona you've gotta stop this, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! (
Oona is now mad. She gets up puts on her hat and is getting ready to leave.)
Oona: I'll just have to get a second opinion.
(Oona exits the office.)
(Oona gets on her bike.)
Nonny: So, what'd he say was wrong with you?
Oona: The whole medical profession is a crack.
(Oona starts riding away fast and Nonny can't catch up.)
Nonny: Hey wait up for me!
(Oona slows down and they both sing "Witch Doctor.")
(Scene: Oona and Nonny's neighborhood.)
Oona: Hey, look!
Nonny: At what?
(Oona and Nonny stop their bikes. A big orange fish is painting his house white.)
Oona: That's Mr. Grouper, let's go talk to him.
Nonny: I don't wanna talk to a teacher, it's summer!
Oona: Hi Mr. Grouper!
(Mr. Grouper turns around and sees Oona and Nonny.)
Mr. Grouper: "The Sweetie Pie" and "Mr. Cautious"! How's the summer treating you?
Oona: It's okay. Mr. Grouper, I finished all the books for summer reading.
Mr. Grouper: Really? Already? The summer's just begun.
Oona: Yes, and now I'm reading "War & Peace" for fun.
Mr. Grouper: No wonder you're my prize pupil. What about you Nonny?
Nonny: I haven't started yet.
Mr. Grouper: Better get on his case Oona.
(Mr. Grouper climbs down from the ladder.)
Oona: Mr. Grouper, how come you're painting this old house?
Mr. Grouper: Well I just bought it, now I'm fixing it up.
Oona: This is one big house for one single person.
Mr. Grouper: Well, you never can tell...
(Oona gets worried.)
Mr. Grouper: I might get a pet.
(Oona smiles.) Oona: How are you gonna get the money for this old house if you're not working?
Mr. Grouper: Well I'm gonna teach creative writing this summer, so, I'm doing some work.
Oona: How much does it cost?
Mr. Grouper: $35.
Oona: What do you get for that?
Mr. Grouper: Me, two hours a week, talking about poetry. This an interrogation Oona?
Oona: No. Well, guess I'll go home and finish off "War & Peace."
Mr. Grouper: It's summer! You're kids! Go play!
(Oona and Nonny ride down the street.)
(Oona and Nonny ride down the sidewalk.)
Nonny: Wanna go to Gray's orchard and pick some peaches?
Oona: No, I'm going home.
Nonny: Why? It's not dinner time yet.
Oona: Dinner time? You're like a dog! You just go home to eat.
(Oona rides faster on her bike, leaving Nonny behind.)
Oona: Don't pee on the hydrant!
(Scene: Oona's bedroom)
(Oona puts a record on. The song is "Wedding Bell Blues.")
(Oona gets a class picture out of a drawer and looks at it. There is a heart around Mr. Grouper's face and in the picture Oona is looking at him. Oona sings along to the song as she looks at it.)
(Scene: Dining room)
(Harry, Mr. Phil Shapero, and Oona's grandma are sitting at the table. Oona is lying on the floor. Harry and Phil are talking. Oona's grandma is staring into space. Miss. Jenny walks in.)
Miss. Jenny: Excuse me Harry, I finished Mr. Layton's hair. He kinda looked......
(She looks down and sees Oona lying on the floor.)
Miss. Jenny: Harry, what's wrong with her?
(Harry looks and sees Oona.)
Harry: Oh, she's just pretending. Oona, get up here and eat your broccoli!
(Miss. Jenny kneels on the floor by Oona.)
Oona (in a sick voice): I think it's my prostate.
(Oona moves her head and closes her eyes as if she was dying.)
(Harry and Phil talk more as Oona's grandma starts to sing.)
Oona's grandma (in between Harry and Phil talking): I got rhythm, I got music, I got my man who could ask for anything more? I got daisies, in green pastures, I got my man, who could ask for anything more?
(Miss. Jenny has a weird look on her face.)
(Scene: Front of Shaskan's house.)
(Miss. Jenny walks out of the house and finds Oona and Nonny playing cards on the steps. She sits down by them.)
Miss. Jenny: Who's winning?
Oona: I am.
(As they play, Molly, Deema, and Olivia fish walk by laughing. They stop at the sidewalk in front of the house.)
Deema (in a teasing voice): Look, there's Oona and her little boyfriend.
Oona: He is not my boyfriend!
Olivia: I bet she kissed him on the lips!
Oona: Do you think I kissed that ugly old thing?
Nonny: Yeah anyway.
Olivia: Come on let's go. Molly's father owns the Bijou theater.
Deema: We get to see all the movies we want for free.
Molly: Maybe you can come some time.
Olivia: Eeeuww, don't invite her, she'll have to bring her boyfriend.
(Deema and the Olivia start to walk away teasingly singing.)
Deema & Olivia: Oona and Nonny, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Nonny in a baby carriage.
(They walk away. Molly looks at Oona upset and feeling sorry for her. She follows the girls.)
Miss. Jenny: You know Oona, you shouldn't let those girls upset you.
Oona: I'm not upset. I will never play with those girls. I only surround myself with people who I find intellectually stimulating.
(Nonny looks at Miss. Jenny and smiles as he is happy to be best friends with a smart girl like Oona.)
Miss. Jenny (to Oona): Want a piece of chocolate?
(Miss. Jenny holds out chocolate to her.)
(Oona shakes her head no.)
(Miss. Jenny turns to Nonny and holds out the chocolate to him.)
Miss. Jenny: Nonny?
Nonny: I'm allergic to it.
Miss. Jenny: To chocolate?
Oona: He's allergic to everything.
Miss. Jenny: Chocolate?
Oona & Nonny: To everything.
(Miss, Jenny notices that Oona is wearing a black ring on her index finger.)
Miss. Jenny: Ooh, that's a pretty ring you're wearing.
Oona: It's a mood ring, it tells what mood I'm in.
Nonny: It doesn't work, it always stays black.
Oona: It's only black when you're around 'cause you put me in a bad mood.
Miss. Jenny: Maybe black means you're happy?
Oona: I don't think so.
(Oona pauses for a moment.)
Oona: Miss. Jenny, how can I get $35?
Nonny: She's crazy, she wants to go to school over the summer.
Oona: It's not a real school, it's a writing class, I wanna be a writer.
Nonny: She only wants to do it because her sweetie pie's the teacher.
(Oona is mad that Miss. Jenny knows about her secret.)
Oona (to Nonny): Shut your big fat mouth!
(Oona pushes Nonny.)
Miss. Jenny: I think you'd make a fine writer, did you ask your Dad?
Oona: He won't give it to me.
Miss. Jenny: Well you don't know that. Ask him.
End of Part 1.
Oona Shaskan is a 11 year old tomboy girl "with a chicken bone lodged in her throat." She is also a hypochondriac. With all the dead bodies in her life, she believes to suffer from diseases that the dead person had died from. Her best friend is Nonny Pirruccello a boy "who is allergic to everything." Her father runs a funeral parlor in their home and doesn't understand her daughter so he ignores her sometimes. Her uncle Phil stops by sometimes to help out with the family. She likes to scam the boys in the neighborhood into seeing dead bodies and scaring them. Her mother has died during childbirth. Her grandmother suffers from Alzheimer's disease and Oona tends for her. One day, a makeup expert named Miss. Jenny comes to the parlor believing it's a fashin parlor. When she discovers the truth, she doesn't mind and still requests for the job. Harry accepts the request and she gets the job. Oona also often goes to the doctor when she believes to have a disease. She also has a crush on her English teacher, Mr. Grouper and when she hears about his summer job for a writing class, she is eager to join. The other girls tease Oona for being friends with Nonny. She also wears a mood ring that is black often. When she explains about the writing class to Miss. Jenny, she suggests that Ooona should ask her father.